What's In YOUR Closet?

I love Tim Gunn. Wait. That came out wrong. I am a huge (pardon the pun) Tim Gunn fan and have fallen in love with his new show Tim Gunn's Guide to Style for several reasons - the biggest one of which is that he had the foresight to feature a right-size woman as one of his first makeover 'victims.'

JeAnne had recently lost a significant amount of weight, and the Before and After pictures were a clear tribute to her persistence and strength of spirit in her weight-loss endeavor. The show where she is featured is described as "Tim and Veronica give the fashion skinny to a style-impaired woman who recently lost a lot of weight. Included: fitting tips."

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Removing my Stress from my Closet

As my weight climbed and my inability to exercise properly took its toll on my old skinny self, I found myself hoarding garments of my past, reciting the reassuring phrase to myself: I'll fit back into these in a few months.

The few months became a few years, then over a decade, and believe me - I was no closer to getting back into those size 5 neon blue lycra stretch pencil-thin pants than they were getting any closer to being back in style. They kept getting pushed further toward the back in the closet, supplanted by slacks I could actually get my legs into.

Keeping those old skinny-years memorabilia in the closet was doing nothing more than causing stress which caused more eating which caused more weight which caused more stress. Oh, and eating up closet space.

The solution came in the form of catastrophe. Over the Christmas holidays, a fire swept through a neighbor's house, leaving the family of five homeless, with nothing but the clothes on their backs. Everyone living nearby scrambled at once, gathering donations, coats, furniture, pots and pans, kitchen appliances, children's toys, and of course clothes.

No, the neon pants didn't go into the pile headed for the burned-out neighbors... I sent practical and usable items. But the search for the usable items brought some sanity to the closet, and the pants did go into the charity bin, where they should have gone back in the decade when disco first took a nose-dive. They were accompanied by every single bit of clothing under size 16 (except for a silly collection of commemorative tank top tees from chili cookoffs of long ago. They don't take up much space at all, now that I've discovered Space Bags).

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The Second Reason I Love Tim Gunn

Several minutes into the show's purposeful agony of cleansing a closet (four stacks - Keep, Mend, Donate, Ditch - not his exact labels, but you get the drift), Tim and Veronica present their fashion victim with a list of Ten Basic Wardrobe Essentials and begin to steer the Keep choices in the direction of that list's contents. Watch an episode (tape it!) and copy down that list if you possibly can. It's gold. Since my own closet is notorious for its tendency to suffer from acute time warp, I've been trying to copy it so I can post it on the inside of my closet door.

Here's what I have on the list so far - anyone have the rest?

* classic white shirt
* classic dress pants
* cashmere sweater
* basic black dress
* trench coat
* properly fit jeans
* proper length skirt
* a blazer that works with your shape
* a day dress
* sweat suit alternative
* a 'fancy night out' dress

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What's in YOUR Closet?

If you're anything like me (or like I was before the neighbors' fire), your closet may be storing a collection of memories instead of a collection of wearable items. I'm not proposing that you run right out and donate everything you own to the charity bin, or ditch it all and buy everything new.

But, if you do decide to tackle an out-of-fashion/fit/function exorcism on your closet space, it's important to give yourself permission to ditch things. Try this:

Start at the far darkest oldest end of your closet - you know, that place where blouses and skirts migrate if they haven't been worn for awhile and may never get worn again.

Take out ONE item and make ONE decision. Put it into one of four stacks:
* Keep
* Mend
* Donate
* Ditch

... you can always change your mind later.

Repeat until you've gone through your entire closet or you've lost the will to carry on.

Take a break and recharge your batteries - have some tea or a shot of decaf of your choice. (I don't recommend regular coffee at a time like this - you've got enough stress without having to handle caffeine jitters on top of it!)

THEN sort the Keep stack into a Fits Now pile and a Used to Fit pile. Put the Used to Fit pile into the Donate stack.

Repeat with the Mend stack. Trim your closet's contents down to items that you will actually wear.

Bundle up the Donate stack and go put it in the front seat of your car, drive to the charity of your choice that has a donations bin, and heave it in. Now, before it creeps back onto hangers and into the closet of its own volition.

Bundle up the Ditch stack and take it with you, and dump it into a convenient dumpster as far away from your house as possible. Put some distance between you and that bag, so it doesn't find its way home.

Seems a bit daunting? Just remember it doesn't have to be done all at once, or done at all! But if your closet is belaboring you with stress, fight back!

Sounds too simple to work? It isn't simple - it may be a very difficult and emotional encounter. Power through it, though, if you're going to do it. Call on a friend. Make an afternoon of it. Try stuff on and make your decisions. Tomorrow you can go tackle her closet.

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But Most Important of All

Remember our mantra that you, my right-size friend, should repeat every day:

We're curvaceous, audacious, bold, beautiful, voluptuous, sensously shapely, and we dress to show off our beautiful selves! We live in our perfectly shaped world, comfortably fashion forward and proud of it. We celebrate ourselves and our world.